


Strangers

by Creativedoodle



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, But mostly angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, NSFW, Oral Sex, Pain, Porn, Porn confimed, Tears, modern!AU, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:51:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1758961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creativedoodle/pseuds/Creativedoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone makes mistakes, Just some mistakes have larger effects and consequences than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The End

**Author's Note:**

> Jean's POV  
> (Warning, Gratuitous Caps-lock)  
> (THE REST OF THE FIC WILL BE IN THIRD PERSON, ITS ONLY THIS CHAPTER IN FIRST. JUST A HEADS UP)

Eren's apartment always confuses me, I always curse the days that we (We meaning the vast majority of my friends) decide to hang out at Eren's. Of course  _They_ didn't have a problem with this because to them Eren was a friend. I consider Eren a friend too, but we never and I mean  _never_  see eye to eye. But it's hard to refuse to go to your boyfriend's best friends house when everyone else is going too.  _  
_

So here I am, sat on the sofa in Eren's living room, feeling suitably comfortable now. This may be down to the fact that Eren was pulled out of the room by Armin who said they needed to talk. I don't know the reason but Eren had been glaring at me for the duration of my and I'm pretty certain that that's the reason behind Eren and Armin's disappearance. The glare was disruptive as everyone had caught on and had kind of fallen silent at the obvious tension between us. I doubt Eren found it as funny as me though given that his expression when regarding me was at a constant state of ' _I will tear your irises out.'_ That seemed to intensify whenever I found it amusing. (Which, if I am honest, is every single time.

But now that Eren had left the room, the atmosphere was a lot less frosty and everyone was enjoying themselves, we were all joking and talking and it was genuinely nice to see everyone together. Ymir joked to me about Eren's glaring which earned her a jab in the side from her girlfriend, Historia. Mikasa had scowled at me for laughing too... that puts a definite dampener on everything... seriously she can be so scary. I'm pretty sure I chose correctly when I began dating one of the Shiganshina trio. Not that I really  _chose..._

Sure Mikasa was pretty... but she is scary, cold and a little too dangerous for my liking (We've all witnessed her beat the shit out of three guys at once. Long story) I'm also pretty certain that I am gay too. I Just don't find the female anatomy attractive. So she was out. Don't get me started on Eren either, there is no way in hell that I would date that little ball of fury. Nope, my heart was totally stolen by the Small, blonde haired boy with huge blue eyes...

The more I thought about it the more I came to realise that he had been very distant as of late... Ever since Ymir's twenty third birthday party... I was too drunk to remember anything so I must have missed what happened to make him just this little bit different. I never really noticed before, but we have only kissed once today... and its already like, three in the afternoon... He made less eye contact with me than normal and even when we walked together I noticed the space between us had widened a little.

Still.

Armin is, to date, one of the best things to happen to me and even as I sit here in the living room of Eren's apartment amongst all of my friends, my mind still manages to zip back to him every minute... Sure i get distracted from my thoughts regularly and often, either by Marco's loud laugh or by a cry of anguish from either Connie or Sasha whenever one managed to steal more food than the other from the kitchen that they were currently raiding. Nobody had bothered to stop them. It was a lost cause.

And although I was enjoying the company and the constant opportunity to drift off into memories of Armin, an uncomfortable feeling started to grow in the pit of my stomach. It was nothing serious, I just needed the toilet. And this is the part where I get to cursing the apartment and Eren and the entire day. I have no idea where the freakin bathroom was. All the doors in the apartment were identical and I had no clue which one was the correct one. Luckily for me Marco, who was sitting next to me had been here a few more times than me and probably knew. So without wanting to cause a fuss... or embarrass the shit out of myself... I leant over to Marco and whispered as quietly as possible.

"Hey, where's the bathroom?" I'm pretty sure that Marco chuckled a little at my question but he answered quietly and respectfully.

"End door on the left"

Thank god for best friends, eh? I thank Marco and stood up, walking in the direction of the bathroom. As I passed the first door on my right I heard murmuring from what sounded like Eren. I fucking hoped that it was an apology, it sounded pretty solemn as I passed by and I admit, I allowed myself a smirk at the thought.

* * *

 

After finishing in the bathroom, I started back to the living area but couldn't help stopping in front of the door where I heard Eren's voice... only this time it was replaced by the sound of Armin's quiet sobbing. Confusion flew across my face and my mind immediately jumped to ' _Eren._ ' I threw open the door and saw Eren and Armin sitting on the end of Eren's bed. Eren's arm around his shoulder, comforting him as he buried his face in his hands.

"What did you do!?" I yelled at Eren, advancing on him but pulling up short as I saw him blank faced and unperturbed by my appearance in the room, he doesn't even give me the usual death glare... It was as if he knew something that I didn't and that whatever he knew was troubling... This itself was worrying enough for me despite the fact that Armin still had his face in his hands and refused to meet my eye, his body was shuddering with his shaky breathing and I saw a tear slip between his fingers. I shot Eren a glare as I walked over to where Armin was sitting, shoulders hunched. I knelt down in front of him and he flinched, he actually flinched back from me. 

"What the  _Hell_ did you do?" I hissed at Eren. But he just looked at me with a stony expression, and it was becoming more than unnerving... what the hell was going on?

"I-t's n... Not Eren." Armin stuttered, his voice was a shaky from the tears and a little muffled by the palms of his hands... his small soft hands that I just wanted to hold right now... But Armin was sat in front of me, hurt by something and obviously, it was my job to do something about it. 

"What is it? What's up?" I asked cautiously and carefully. I may be brash and loud but that doesn't mean i don't know how to be tactful.

"No-nothi-" He started before Eren intervenes.

"Armin." He prompted with a growl, nudging him and for the first time, Armin looked up, placing his hands in his lap. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were tear-stained and he looked... scared... scared of... me?

He set his eyes on me and was on the verge of breaking down all over again... and then it started dawning on me at that moment that something was wrong. Very very wrong.

"Armin?" I asked quietly, unsure about the direction that this is headed but a definite anxiety was now seeded in the pit of my stomach. I went to touch one of his hands resting on his lap but he pulled it away, just out of reach from my grasp. I looked up into his eyes and frowned as I saw the tears pooling on the lower lid of the large eyes and sparkling blue orbs. 

"Jean..." He started, his voice quivering and i saw Eren's hand squeeze his shoulder a little. He looked at Eren who's expression had shifted a little from stony and emotionless to almost regret...

"Jean..." Armin tried again, taking a deep breath and i could feel it. I could feel the tension in the room, Eren wasn't looking at anyone anymore, his eyes locked on the wall to his left. I noticed Armin's hands had balled into fists

"I... I can't pretend anymore. It's been a w-week since the party and I can't go... I can't go on like this..." As those words left his lips, I felt my heart drop. It was like someone had just taken my heart in their hand and squeezed. My eyes widened in disbelief and I looked into Armin's remorseful gaze, hoping to find some kind of hint that this was a cruel ruse.

But I found nothing.

"Armin... What are you talk-king about" I mumbled, my voice catching as I felt a lump rising in my throat, the seed of anxiety starting to sprout and grow in my stomach.

"I saw you! Okay!? I Saw you and that stranger!" He yells at me suddenly and his words are sharp serrated, the pain in his words cuts straight through me and I am caught off guard and left confused.

" _Oh fuck... what stranger, I don't remember any stranger... what did I do with this stranger?_." I thought immediately, panicking. My mouth goes dry and I felt my lungs constrict as my chest tightened 

"Armin? Wha-? what ar-" I started but Eren stops me, his emotionless expression cracking and falling away, replaced by one of fury and defence for his best friend.

"When you were drunk off your _ass_! _YOU_ Made out with about three strangers! _IN FRONT_ OF _ARMIN_ , YOU _PIECE OF SHIT_!" He shouts, and as these words were yelled at me I felt them physically hit me, each syllable lancing through me and I was forced backwards by it like each word was a bullet in my chest.

Thoughts clouded my head but the ones that were most prominent were the ones of defence. 

" _I couldn't have done that... Anything but that... and all in front of Armin..._ " I felt sick at the prospect of having done it...

"No... I-" I try but the tears forming at the corners of Armin's eyes silences me and I feel my stomach drop... I took a deep breath that shook as I sucked it in, dread filling my heart and my whole world crumbling around me. I had done this... I had done this to the one person that I loved the most...

"Did I?" I ask to myself in an unwillingness to believe my drunken actions.

"Yes, you bastard, you did" Eren says, spitting the words out like they disgusted him.

I hung my head, feeling in irredeemable shame crawling over my skin. I could feel Eren's glare on me and I could sense the shaking breathing and erratic heartbeat of Armin just across from me but all i could do was look at my hands, resting on my legs as I knelt in front of my boyfriend.

"Do you understand... How hard it was for me that night... to take you home... to stay with you to make sure you didn't hurt yourself?" Armin utters, his voice hardening and I felt the cold claw of dread hook into my chest, making my whole body cold and my limbs frozen...

"I had to deal with you because no one else would, even though I was there to see you throw yourself on  _Three different people_!" 

"Armin I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't kno-" 

"Oh you are sorry? You didn't seem sorry when you were draped over your couch,  _BOASTING_ about it too me. YOU BOASTED TO YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND, oblivious to me sitting there in tears while you... while you tormented me!" 

Each word that came out of his mouth beat me down... It all came crashing down on me how I must appear to him... a monster... and i felt sick to the pit of my stomach and completely ashamed. Armin's tone of voice had gone from shaky an upset to fierce and angry. I looked up and winced, seeing his narrowed eyes his expression sharp, unlike the Armin that had said yes to that first date a few months back. This Armin had malice in his eyes.

"For THREE MONTHS I have had to cope with your endless fighting and bickering with Eren and this is how you repay me?! Do you know how hard you made it for me having to choose between My best childhood friend and my boyfriend every single time you beat each-other up?"

I tried desperately to redeem the situation but knowing wholeheartedly that its was lost cause.

"I-" 

"You don't" He cut in coldly "Let me put it in perspective for you. I fight Marco. Pick a side."

I stumbled around for words but only really managing three. "Th-that's not fair" I protested before realising my grave mistake. Armin stands up and glares down at me... I stand up quickly too, feeling totally helpless and not at all ready to be glared down at by the one I loved... and still love.

"No, you're right. It isn't fair." He agreed calmly, before his face contorted into an outraged scowl and he restarts his onslaught. "It's not fair... SO WHY DID YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME FOR THREE MONTHS!? WHY WERE YOU SO INCONSIDERATE AS TO NOT REALISE WHAT THIS WAS DOING TO ME!? YOU HAVE BEEN SELFISH YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME, YOU THROW YOURSELF INTO FIGHTS THAT I HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE AFTERMATH TO, YOU DRAG ME ALONG AND YOU NEVER ASK WHAT I THINK."

"WE ALWAYS DID WHAT YOU WANTED. WHEN YOU WANTED. HOW YOU WANTED!" At each point he jabbed my chest with his finger and I back up, bombarded by all of the swirling emotions inside me, threatening to break free, by his words and by his anger and by his finger that he used to punctuate his sentences.

"YOU MADE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU BETWEEN MY BEST FRIEND CONSTANTLY! YOU NEVER CHANGED AND YOU ALWAYS BLEW IT OFF WHENEVER I ASKED YOU TO STOP! YOU EVEN FAILED TO NOTICE THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG SINCE THE PARTY BECAUSE YOU WERE FLYING WAY TOO HIGH FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! TOO HIGH TO NOTICE THE PAIN THAT YOU CAUSED ME! YOU KNOW I HOPED THAT YOU MIGHT COME TO REALISE THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS BY _NOPE_ APPARENTLY YOU WERE ABOVE THAT WELL REALITY CHECK. YOU HAVE _MANY_ ERRORS."

"I HAVE DEALT WITH YOUR SELFISHNESS FOR _THREE_ MONTHS AND HOW DO YOU REPAY ME?! BY KISSING THREE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME AND THEN _TORMENTING_ ME ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS."

"Armin... plea-" I tried, backing through the door, still forced by his assault against me, my voice shaking and tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I wanted to stop this before it broke me completely, it was already too much to take and I was teetering on the edge of an emotional meltdown but ... but I don't get a chance to end it because the killing blow was  screamed at me. 

"TIME TO BRING YOUR _FUCKING_ HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS BECAUSE I AM OVER IT! I AM OVER US, OVER YOU AND OVER THIS!" He screams gesturing aggressively between the two of us, my back is to the wall opposite the bedroom door and I have nowhere to go but then he takes a deep calming breath.

"Jean Kirschtein" He says quietly, his tongue pulling the verbal trigger to end me. "If I ever see you again... It will be too soon"

And with that he steps back and observes, he watches with _interest_ as the involuntary tears spill down my face as it hits me that this is real, this is happening and... and it's over. I slide down the wall, all the energy ripped from my body as sobs course through me. This wasn't some kind of nightmare, this was real. I could feel the cold floor underneath me, i could feel the warm tears on my face.

"Armin... please no..." I mumbled through tear wet lips, trying to grasp at any remaining feelings but he turned and walked silently to the front door, opening it and disappearing through without looking back at me or the group of our friends all silently staring at us. 

I pulled my legs into my chest and set my forehead against my knees and i couldn't help it.

I wept silently.

The tears ran down my cheeks as I remembered all that we had. I remembered all of the fun that I had had... but the revelation that it was only me who was really enjoying the relationship broke me bit by bit and I descended into a shaking mess on the floor. Curled up and ashamed, broken and lonely. All the memories of everything we did turned one-sided and every single new memory took chunks out of my mentality until there was nothing left but misery and shame.

I was well aware of the silence that still hung over the room and my friends but I didn't care, I just wanted to let go and sleep. I heard footsteps approaching and then the sound of somebody crouching beside me and then a large hand on my shoulder.

"Jean" Came the voice, careful and caring. Marco.

"Jean, let's get you home..." He suggested and waited patiently for an answer before I exhaled shakily and nodded. Picking myself up off the floor and wiping my face with the back of my hands, trying to stem the flow of tears but not able too. 

A numbness seemed to have washed over me as I held myself with as much composure as I could muster. I took one look at the front door and almost choked, them image of Armin storming out, imprinted in my mind. Marco Ushered me to the door and I choke out an apology to everyone that is met with reassurances that "It's okay." I keep my eyes down, feeling them fill with tears again as everything that Armin said to me, buffets me. I don't flinch from each sentence that is imprinted into my brain. The numbness counteracts that, making me feel cold, lifeless and not completely in existence.

* * *

 

Marco drove me home and dropped me off at my house, letting me in as my fingers fumbled with the keys like someone else was controlling my body and i just sat back in shock and watched. It was when I was through the door that feeling returned and hit me again, everywhere I looked there was something of Armin's. His spare coat, one of his books, a pair of his shoes. It was overwhelming and I felt the surging feeling in my chest and throat.

The tears were coming back and my vision went blurry. My home became distorted by the glaze of water on my eyes. It was too much I started to collapse but strong hands caught me under my arms and hoisted me back on my feet and i thought, distantly. 

" _Oh yeah... Marco is there. Marco is always there._ " And I felt all the emotions flood back and Marco pulls me in for a tight hug as I whimper into his shoulder.

"He's gone, Marco. He's gone." I sobbed for what seems like hours, finding a reassuring comfort in my best friends embrace whilst he 'shhh-ed' and whispered

"It's okay, everything is going to be okay."

After what seemed like a whole day, he pulled away and said to me. "Go to bed, I'll tidy up everything of his and take it away... You're gonna be okay Jean... Don't worry." Tactfully avoiding saying Armin's name

And as i leave to go up the stairs he finds a box and starts putting all of Armin's belongings inside. I felt my tears drying on my face but that was the least of my problems, i didn't have the energy to disobey Marco and I didn't have the drive to do anything apart from what he suggested, so I found my bed and collapsed on it, letting everything wash over me, yet again, simply because I had nothing to fight it off with.

I cried until I ran out of tears and consciousness.


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean had cheated. It was the logical thing to do... breaking up with him... Something that he had to do... but why did he still hurt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Switching to third person here because the 1st person thing wasn't cutting... turns out first person is NOT great for angst... so we are having a style switchout... this one follows Armin this time)

As soon as Eren's front door closed behind him he felt his walls crumbling. His defences that he had used to end it with Jean were falling and he could feel himself becoming more and more exposed to any kind of emotion. He needed those walls to protect him from the aftershock of this whole thing, he couldn't let them fall yet. He shook his head and walked briskly to the elevator, trying to support his own resenting mindset.

The wait for the elevator was excruciating. Armin stood there on the stone floor, rain pounding the window next to him as he blankly stared at the doors, waiting for them to open, a haunting and urging anxiety growing at the back of his skull that every second that ticks by could be one where Jean comes bursting through the door, trying to change his mind.

And there is no way he can deal with that. Not now with the adrenaline that he needs, leaving him to the doubts that are creeping into his mind. 

As the lift bell 'Ting's and the door opens, he took a shaky breath and stepped inside, turning to the lift doors and looking down the barren corridor to the door to the apartment which contains his ex boyfriend... He is almost relieved when the his view of the corridor starts to narrow as the door closes. After a moment his view is completely cut off with a soft 'Thunk' as the doors slide closed.

Armin stands there in the quiet lift feeling suddenly so very isolated. He has nobody to go to, He can't go back to his friends... It's too soon, no he needs to get away from all the reminders of Jean that they will bring... he can't go to Jean... for obvious reasons... and he doesn't think of his parents that will just bring back more pain...

He's alone.

And in the quiet seclusion of the elevator he feels his last remaining emotional barrier dissipate and the sharp sting of tears in his eyes. 

"Why me?" He whispers to the walls of the lift as if they held the answer that he needed. The walls, expectedly, give no reply and Armin gives one breathy laugh as as stray, effortless tears roll down his cheeks and he realises how badly he handled the situation... about how different things could have been... but it was too late for that now. He had broken and hurt Jean, the look of confusion, terror and heartbreak on his face as he was screamed at by the one he loved the most was something that started to slowly haunt Armin. The tears on his ex-lovers face could be felt coursing down his own cheeks and he knew that he couldn't look at Jean again... And Jean wouldn't want to look at him either, would he?

"If I ever see you again... It will be too soon" He repeats to the himself and the empty elevator. "I said that... and I've ruined everything."

It could have been so different, he thinks. If he had just kept calm and listened to Jean, if he had heard Jean's side of the story, if he hadn't have exploded and let everything out. If he hadn't let the moment get to him, if he hadn't have exaggerated. They could be sat on Eren's bed having sorted things out rationally, they might have hugged, it might have even been okay... but no, he let his rationale slip and now the relationship they had lay in unrepairable ruins.

He hangs his head and closes his eyes, feeling the wet tickling sensation as the tears seep between his eyelashes. The argument echoes ceaselessly around his mind, everything he said coming back to hurt him, to make him regret every syllable. 

"If only..." He murmurs. 

He stands in the centre of the lift, arms hanging by his sides limply. Memories of the last few months started to cloud his mind. The limbo between happiness and discomfort, the feel of having someone warm to curl up to at night. The evenings where there was a film on TV so Jean would make them hot chocolate and they would snuggle.  The ability to always have someone who loved you (even a deluding and almost forceful love like Jean's) close and could comfort you through anything, whose arms could always wrap around you and whose lips could take away the pain.

He opens his eyes as the lift bell rings again, breaking him out of his whirlpool of memories and regret, just in time to see a cold tear fall from the tip of his nose to the floor. He lifts his arm, moving his sleeve to cover the heel of his palm before wiping his eyes and stepping out of the elevator. He keeps his eyes down as he walks through the lobby area and out through glass double doors and into the rain. He has no idea where to go, he had no one to go to... so where could he go? He battles with his thoughts and decides that his car might be a good place to start.

He walks through the parking lot, the wind driving the rain into his right side, plastering his blond, bobbed hair to his face and scalp. The cold of the rain and wind slicing painfully across any exposed skin, taking his mind away from the inner turmoil for a moment. He didn't care that he was quickly being soaked to the skin... none of that seemed to matter anymore...

" _You don't know what you have until it's gone._ " Armin thinks idly as he walks to his car. He reaches it, opens the door and climbs inside, slumping into the seat. His hair dripping over his face, his cheeks pink from cold and his eyes, red from the easy tears.

He feels his phone buzz in his pocket. Probably Eren or Mikasa checking up on him. He picks the phone out of his pocket and absent mindedly unlocks it and there it is... the background of his phone...

A photo of him and Jean snuggled in bed at eleven in the morning, smiling. It didn't look like much but it was from their happiest day, It had been his birthday and Jean had treated him like a king and he can't remember ever feeling so adored by anyone... He gazed at the photo for a few seconds before he felt the choking sensation rising in his chest, the burning of tears in his eyes and the constriction brought on by the lump in his throat. He'd been so wrong about their relationship... He'd fucked everything up and he knew it. He threw the phone onto the passenger seat as he felt the sobs well up inside him. 

He crossed his arms on the steering wheel and let his head fall forward on his forearms. All the regret and all of the different possible outcomes that could have become instead of this current one, came crashing down on him. He feels the first sob spasm through his body and suddenly the tears are flowing again.

Why had he let all of the negatives cloud him? He had totally forgotten about all of the good things that Jean had brought... He had loved Jean too... he still did... even though it was stupid. Instead, the heat of the moment had exaggerated his intentions and he'd ended up making it sound like he'd hated every second that they spent together.

As realisations like this keep dawning on him, his sobs get more and more helpless and he feels more and more alone. He sits in his seat, face buried in his arms feeling the warmth of the fresh tears soak through his already damp sleeves. A mantra running through his head of...

" _It's all gone... It's all over now._ "

He sat back from his slumped forward position against the steering wheel, leaning back in his seat. He exhales and isn't surprised when it stutters and quivers, jhis whole body shaking. From the corner of his eye he sees movement and turns his head instinctively and instantly wishes he didn't. Two men are walking through the parking lot, through the pouring rain. One of the men had a supportive arm around the other one. Armin couldn't tear his eyes away as he began to recognise the two men.

Marco and Jean.

He stares at Jean's face and the only words that can be used to describe his expression are gaunt, broken and lost.

He'd done that. He had done that to the person that loved him most... without a second thought. The more he looked the more he realised how much hatred Jean must have for him now...

He couldn't take it anymore, he turned his car on threw it in reverse and swung out of the parking space before driving out of the lot erratically, spinning the wheels. Squeezing the tears from his eyes he sped home taking a few corners a little too fast, his tail end sliding out a little on the wet roads.

 

* * *

He made it back home in one piece though some close calls had shaken him a little. Misery was clouding his mind and his judgement and he had gotten a little too sideways on a few corners for his liking but here he was, pulling into the driveway of his cottage on the outskirts of town. He ran to his front door in the rain, unlocked it and practically fell inside. He slammed the door closed behind him and made his way to the living room. His usually cozy little house was unlit, empty and felt totally dead... so he did all that he had any effort to do. He collapsed onto the sofa... a sofa where he and Jean had snuggled so many times on nights where it was just them and the fire in the fireplace... he curled up amongst the cushions and sobbed. No tears came as he had run them dry long ago, but even if there were no tears to flood out, there were certainly memories of what was and could never be again... and they came in torrents now that he was alone in the silence of his house. 

He felt his blonde hair tangle under his head and he wanted nothing more than to Jean's hand running through it for comfort... 

But that could never happen again... 

He let the exhaustive misery drift him into a sleep that would no doubt be plagued by memories and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a wonderful thing called scheduling.  
> I'm not going to use it, but it exists.


	3. Ignorance, no bliss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to look up as relationship Advice isn't hard to find when one is friends with Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Fubar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want, go listen to 'Strangers' By Seven Lions. This fic is based loosely from that. This chapter is a little lighter for y'all.

Jean rolls over and groans, returning to consciousness. His eyes flutter open, even though they were still gritty and tired. He blinks and feels something on his cheeks... after rubbing his eyes, he gazes at his fingertips as a fine dust came away with them...

Oh yeah... they're tears...

That explains why his house was so quiet. Usually when he wakes, there was at least some activity. Armin usually woke before him and was usually doing something, but today was regrettably quiet. He turns his head, just to see if there is another presence in the bed and, by a gigantic stroke of luck, the previous day had just been a nightmare that he had just awoken from.

His bed was, apart from him, empty. 

"Dammit." He sighs, his stupid hopes dashed.

He climbs out of bed, throwing back the cold and crumpled sheets and walks to his wardrobe where he picks out fresh clothes after falling asleep wearing yesterdays outfit. 

" _Ratchet_." He thinks emptily, nothing seeming to matter to him. He pulls on the clean clothes and heads downstairs to the kitchen where he makes himself a strong coffee in the vague mindset that it might return some feeling to him... he didn't care what feeling he just didn't want this lack of focus to veil him.

He sat down at the kitchen table, rain tapping against his window gently, the grey light of the morning filling his kitchen. Everything felt wrong as he set his cup on the table after taking a long drink. He saw a piece of paper on the table that he had failed to notice before and he reaches out to pick it up. He unfolds it and reads it silently.

* * *

_Jean, I can guarantee that when you read this that you will be feeling like all is lost, you will feel like crap. You said it to me yesterday and as heartbreaking as it was, I get the feeling that it isn't all over. Well it is over... but it isn't all over._

_Now hear me out on this one. Because you loved him... you still do, I know... and I know for a fact that he knew that too... I'm sure that most of what he said yesterday was Heat-of-the-moment stuff. There may be truth behind it, but all of it can't be lost._

_I've taken all of Armin's things that I could find and I will give them back to him... It should make your home more bearable to live in right now._

_Anyway, back to the purpose of this letter. All is not lost, Jean, since when have you been a defeatist, eh?_

_No, you can pull it back, I know you can._

_-Marco_

Jean put the note down, rested his elbows on the table and then put his face in his hands. It was time to think, not that he wanted to... he wanted to curl up into a ball. On the floor. And vanish. But lying in a foetal position wouldn't bring Armin back to him would it? No. If Marco was right then he needed to think...

"H _e can't just be gone like that. I need to find a way to talk to him... but... oh god..._ " He is interrupted from his thoughts as he relives the entire argument with Armin, condensed into five seconds. He winces as he remembers everything said at him. Yesterdays words coming back to pierce his heart again. He lets out an involuntary whimper as he feels a lump in his throat start to rise.

" _Heat of the moment._ " He tells himself, desperately wanting to believe it. That's what Marco had written... Why would Marco lie about this? He spent about an hour wondering what to do, wondering how to approach Armin again. That final sentence repeating in his head, stinging him whenever he came close a plausible idea.

" _If I ever see you again... It will be too soon._ " _  
_

No. He needed to keep that out of his head. He needed to think. Not brood. He forced the mentality into his head, determination blanketing the painful remarks, but not completely. 

" _If I ever- STOP. Stop letting that get you Jean. It'll only hold you back. Don't give up... Just... Don't..._ " He thinks " _I need to find a way to talk to Armin, somehow. But that's the problem. This is useless. He doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't want to listen he doesn't even want to_ see _me! Ever! This is hopeless._ " His mind whirls as he feels the helpless burning feeling of tears sting his eyes and fill his chest. Armin's words wriggling out from under his veil of determination that, in hindsight, was just bravado in an attempt to convince himself. This realisation brings further tears but he blinks them back defensively.

" _No! I am not going to give up. I have to try to get him back... Fuck I can't do this on my own... Think Jean. Think._ " He picks his mug of coffee off the table and drains it in one go, the bite of the hot bitter liquid as it gushes down his throat.

" _Bertholdt and Reiner could help..."_  He reasons with himself. "E _veryone treats them like the relationship guru's... maybe they can actually be helpful?_ " He sighs. Really not feeling in the mood to go to see  _Reiner._ His jovial mood just didn't seem right for this situation... But he really had no choice, they weren't there on the day, they would be neutral about the situation... and he needed their support.

"Right!" He declares out loud to himself. Standing up, feeling in his pocket for his phone before walking to the door, grabbing his jacket off its hook on the way past.

* * *

 

He bursts out into the cool, murky daylight and pulls his phone out, selecting Bertholdt's name and pressing 'Call'. It rings three times before it's picked up.

"Bertholdt?"

"Jean?" Comes the slightly meek voice at the other end of the line

"Yeah, Listen Bertholdt I'm coming over, I... I need your help, it's urgent. I'll see you in twenty minutes" He says frantically, silently cursing as his voice chokes in his throat.

"Oh... Okay, I'll tell Reiner. See you then." He replies before hanging up.

Jean shoves his phone back into his pocket and starts walking briskly, spurred on by the possibility of hope.

 

* * *

 

He waits impatiently outside the front door of the Fubar/Braun apartment muttering to himself.

"C'mon, C'mon open up." He mumbles, tapping his feet. Frustrated at every second wasted by the sluggish response from the opposite side of the door... Okay well maybe that's a little harsh. He did only knock about ten seconds ago and they were probably having sex, as usual...

" _That really shouldn't be a true sentence..._ " Jean thinks to himself wryly but then snaps into focus as he hears footsteps on the other side of the door. It's pulled open by a slender, tanned man with dark hair and a seemingly constant, thin sheen of sweat on any exposed skin. Some kind of unfortunate glandular disorder that Jean doesn't know the name of. He smiles when he see's Jean but the smile, whilst warm and kind is short-lived as he sees the faint yet present desperation on Jean's face, mixed with the more prominent relief and frustration.

"Jean... Come in." He says quietly, recognising the seriousness of the situation, even with so little information given other than the urgent phone call and the expression on his face.

Jean prayed that Reiner would be as understanding. Bertholdt showed him to the living area of the apartment and Jean took a seat on the sofa, feeling the niggling beginnings of regret and dread in the bottom of his stomach. He looks up as he hears a door open and sees Reiner emerge from their bathroom, his hair still wet from a shower... but thankfully he is clothed.

Jean shivers as he remembers very clearly that fateful day when he was visiting, innocent and unsuspecting... then promptly not long after arriving he saw more of Reiner than he really needed or even wanted. There had been no shame from the brawny man as he waltzed out of the bathroom even forgetting to wear a towel.

A sigh of relief left Jean before he even realised he was holding his breath. Reiner smiled as he saw Jean and immediately started towards him, sitting in an armchair across from him.

"Hey" He starts "So Bertl told me it was urgent. Wassup bud?" He questions with a cheeriness that irks Jean, who sighs and hangs his head looking down to his down-turned hands on his knees.

" _You can do this._ " He tells himself. " _Just man up and tell him._ "

"It's Me and Armin... we broke up... Yesterday..." He mutters, his sentence stuttered and split, involuntarily.

"Oh?" Reiner queries with no little amount of disbelief.

"Yeah... It wasn't great..."

"And now you're here... You want our help don't you? From your tone of voice, you weren't the one who ended it were you?" He pauses to watch Jean shake his head, still looking at his hands in his lap.

"Tell me Jean... How do you feel about it?"

"Well It's not gre-"

"Jean, there is no point being dishonest here." Reiner scolds lightly. Jean glances up and Reiner's face has lost the smile that it held moments ago as he looks at Jean with a new and foreign intensity...

" _He's right... Lying won't help me at all... fuck I hate this._ " Jean chides to himself.

"I... I feel... Devastated..." Jean mumbles, looking back down at his hands and he hears Reiner hum to himself.

"Okay, Jean... If you need our advice, you need to tell us the whole story." He says, easing the words out and Jean's head whips up and he looks at Reiner with wide eyes. Anything but that. He's only just managed to keep the hounding memories at bay up to this point .

"R-Really?" He asks, hoping for Reiner to think of something else... although he gets the feeling that re-telling the story might actually be the best way to get advice... 

"Yes." Reiner says matter of factly and Jean sinks into his chair a little, fists clenching and eyes screwing shut.

"It's probably going to be hard for you, I know." Reiner soothes. "But it might even help you to tell us, to let the emotions go and all that." He adds before offhandedly humming the hit song from 'Frozen'. Which earns him a sharp glare from Jean.

"When... uh... when should I start?" He resentfully asks the blond man opposite him and the humming cuts out immediately, replaced by a kind smile.

"Whenever you are ready."

Jean nods and looks back down at his legs, his fists clenching and unclenching. Bertholdt walks over and sits on the arm of Reiner's chair, putting his arm around the shoulders of his partner. Jean takes a few breaths, feeling the argument buzzing in his mind, baying for attention and release. After a few minutes he looks up.

"Ok... I'm ready."

Reiner and Bertholdt nod their heads and Jean begins his story, reciting the argument. He tells them every word that was said, every gesture that was made, every emotion that he felt. He told them how it started... and why it started. He told them how that's how he found out about the three guys he kissed at the party and he told them how he wanted to talk to Armin, yell back, try and make him listen to his side of the story. But he didn't get the chance.

Towards the end of the story he is shivering, squeezing back the tears, choking back the sobs. He squeezes his thumbs in his fists and swallows, trying to force the lump back down his throat. He looks away for a second. Preparing himself.

"He stood there... His face all calm and just said to me 'Jean Kirschtein if I ever see you again... It will be too soon...' And... I-"

But he is done, he can't hold back the tears any longer and he just buries his face in his hands and lets the them spill from his eyes. He is assaulted by all the abrasive memories and they all come and damage him all over again. 

"Oh..." Says Bertholdt, eventually... And that one syllable, filled with a sadness and disappointment breaks Jean just a little further. Making his cause seem a whole lot more hopeless. 

"He h-hates me n-now... H-he hates me s-so much." Jean moans as the convulsions wrack through his body.

"I fucked up... I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up" He wails into the palms of his hands as everything comes crashing down on him once again.  He feels a hand on his knee and he slowly takes his hands down and looks up into Reiner's smiling face, blurred through the glaze of tears on his eyes. 

"Yeah... you fucked up." Reiner smiles softly, saying it in the most comforting way... "You know what happens after you fuck up? You fix whatever you fucked up... I don't think this any different." 

"Rein-ner" Jean hiccups. "He... He never wants t-to see him again." Trying to make him see how helpless he felt.

"Ppht, If it went how you described then that was a definite heat of the moment thing... I'm not going to lie, he is probably  _really_ pissed at you and you fucked up big time. I'm not going to make it seem better than it is, he probably doesn't even see you as a friend any more. But that does not mean that he is lost and gone forever."

Jean looks at him with watery, pink eyes, clearly despairing. Bertholdt looks confused, but then his expression changes to something equal to an epiphany.

"No, Jean... Reiner's right. You haven't lost him completely... just try to talk to him, like by text or call him, leave a message or something trying to explain that you are sorry... I think it's too soon to actually see him face to face... Just... Just try." He says confidently as Jean and Reiner look at him. 

" _Hey... that might actually work... It doesn't matter how long it takes... Why didn't I think of that before, what the fuck?_ " Jean thinks with a shaky breath, calming down. A solution having risen it's head, un-clouds his mind and clears his intentions.

"Yeah..." He says quietly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He stands up, the colour of life returning to his cheeks.

"Hey... thanks guys." He mutters, not really sure what to say other than showing his gratitude. Reiner and Bertholdt stand too, towering over him.

"Jean." Reiner adds. "Just make sure that, when this is past, you let Armin know that you love him and only him." Jean's eyes widen at this statement. So deep and passionate that if he wasn't standing there to witness it, he wouldn't believe that Reiner had said them.

"How?" He asks, a little puzzled.

"Fuck. Him. Senseless." Comes the devious reply.

" _Of course. Should have seen that coming._ " Jean smiles. Which, given the circumstances, is a miracle. " _Actually, that doesn't sound too bad right now..._ "

"What Reiner  _meant_ to say, was that you have to treat him with respect and consideration as well as love." Bertholdt says warmly to save the conversation, respectfully, from his boyfriend's lapse in the appropriate attitude. Jean nods, heeding his words. _  
_

"Thanks again... I'll do everything you said." He reassures and smiles earnestly at them and Reiner breaks out into a happy grin.

"C'mere." He croons before lunging forward and gripping Jean in a bone-crushingly tight bear hug which lasts only a few seconds, but was a whole minute too long. Reiner releases a now breathless Jean who has had all the air squeezed from his lungs, and ruffles his hair.

"Come see Uncle Bertholdt and Auntie Reiner again anytime." He laughs and Bertholdt chuckles beside him, wrapping his long arm around his waist and Jean nods and rolls his eyes, a dubious smile playing on his lips.

"Okay... well, I guess I'll be off now." He says, spirits lifted and a small hopeful excitement bubbling inside him. A way back to Armin... He had found a path and he intended to follow now. Guaranteed it wasn't going to be easy, but he knew what to do and he would do what he needed too. The weak smile remaining on his face as he heads to the front door and the self proclaimed Aunt and Uncle wave him off.

* * *

 

He walked down the sidewalk back to his house, everything seemed more colourful, brighter and more vibrant. He felt infinitely more alive than when he had woken this morning, walking through the thinning crowds as morning rush-hour ended. He strolled. He fucking strolled to get home. He passed the mall with it's bright signs flashing and glaring in the morning light, Jean looks ahead and almost immediately someone out of the dissipating crowd catches his eye, A mop of messy blond hair moving towards him. The crowd splits for a second and he glimpses the person.

" _Oh god, oh please no I'm not ready. Bertholdt told me not to see him. **I'm** not ready to see him... oh fuck what do I do? How do I respond?_ " He thinks, frantically and desperately. By now the blond hair is moving closer and closer and all of a sudden the crowd breaks and Armin is in front of him, about ten metres away, walking with purpose. Jean stops and stares. His large blue eyes are red and tired, he has bags under them with dark circles. His hair is mussed and unkempt and he is wearing yesterdays clothes. 

Jean can only stand there, stock still, voice caught in his throat with indecision. Should he try to explain himself there and then? Should he wait to see what Armin does? The indecision continues to plague him and he stands there uselessly and watches as Armin approaches him...

and then walkright past...

With no hint of recognition on his features.

He walked right past without even a pointed ignorance towards Jean, it was just like he wasn't there. Jean turned his whole body to watch him pass, the rest of the crowd blurring out of existence as he stared openly at Armin as he walked away. Treating him as nothing more than a stranger, passing by on the street.

Dismay and despair filling him as the world around seemed to dim and go to grey-scale except the blond hair his eyes were locked to. His gaze followed Armin until he turned a corner and disappeared... again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.


	4. Food for thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had no fight left in him, not even for a battle with something as simple as hunger. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to relieve the groggy feeling clouding his head before sighing and giving into the hunger. He needed food and there was no way around it. Even though he was slightly thankful to his empty stomach for distracting him from everything else in his life right now, the sharp emptiness in his gut was becoming increasingly debilitating by the minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And now back to Armin with added springles)

He had woken up in a state of complete loss. As everything had flooded him from yesterday, once again, he just lay there on his sofa, unwilling to do anything. He had woken at around six in the morning on his sofa amongst his mismatching array of cushions with his blond hair ruffled and everywhere. His eyes felt tired and he himself felt unrested as his sleep had been uneasy and haunted by stray thoughts of Jean, each twisting off and growing to become their own separate horror stories, all to do with the inevitable hatred that Jean now held for him. So instead of trying to pursue a few more hours of sleep, Armin just laid on his sofa and accepted his regret, letting it swallow him. He sank into his thoughts so deeply that when he was pulled out of his repentant stupor, by the grumbling of his stomach, he was surprised to see the clock's hands pointing to eight o'clock.

His stomach growled at again and he reluctantly clambered out of his warm nest of cushions and trudged to his kitchen. Leaving the cozy dark wood and stone interior of the living room to the cold rock surfaces of his kitchen. This was on the west side of his little cottage so not much of the morning light was entering through the cross hatched windows looking onto his small garden. The dim shade of the room seemed to weigh oppressively on  Armin's shoulders as he shuffled to the fridge and swung the door open, revealing a few bottles of Juice, alcohol and milk and some miserable looking vegetables. 

The cupboards didn't yield anything much more appetising either and Armin's shoulders sagged out of disappointment. He silently cursed his inability to ignore his growling stomach and tried to fight the hunger for a couple of minutes before relenting. He had no fight left in him, not even for a battle with something as simple as hunger. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to relieve the groggy feeling clouding his head before sighing and giving into the hunger. He needed food and there was no way around it. Even though he was slightly thankful to his empty stomach for distracting him from everything else in his life right now, the sharp emptiness in his gut was becoming increasingly debilitating by the minute. 

He groaned and shook his head before walking back out of his kitchen, through his living room to the heavy wooden front door. He stopped himself and thought about changing, since he was still in yesterdays clothes, and his hair was all over the place. He thought against it, it's not like there was anyone he had to impress today, and it's not like he had the drive to do it, even if he wanted to. So he shook his head again, for reasons he didn't even know, then unbolted the old door and swung it open. The cold spring air hit him and it was surprisingly refreshing. The sun is peeking from behind the clouds and it smelled fresh and crisp.

* * *

 And now he is here, panic rising in his chest and a very real fear starting to swell inside him. He is on the main street, walking through the tail end of morning rush-hour and walking in the opposite direction to him... coming straight towards him is the very man he does not need to see. He already knows that he doesn't have the energy for confrontation, he only has enough motivation to get food and that's it.

He is running on fumes alone and now Jean is coming straight towards him... 

" _Quick. Think. What can I do? Use your brains Armin._ " He urges himself... There is nothing he wants more than to just run to Jean and hug him and apologise for storming out, apologise for everything, agree to listen to him. But it was too late, now. Wasn't it? Because Jean hated him... 

" _I don't have time to do anything, I just have to pretend that he isn't there, maybe he won't notice me? I'm small so I should be able to hide behind someone... please don't notice me._ " He begs silently as he walks faster, determined to get past as soon as possible. There is suddenly a break in the crowd and at the other side of the gulf of emptiness on the sidewalk is Jean. Armin holds his breath and looks straight ahead, preventing the gasp that threatened to break out of his mouth from escaping.

" _DON'T STOP DON'T STOP!_ " His mind is screaming at him, he locks his eyes onto the city bank about a mile down main street and watches Jean in his peripheral vision. He see's Jean stop and look at him and there is an overwhelming temptation to just turn and run back to his car, but he can't. Jean has seen him now... it's quite obvious because he has stopped and is staring at him. As Armin passes he does his best not to flinch as Jean makes a choked noise and Armin realises that maybe he is trying to speak... but no matter what, he listens to his head and doesn't stop. 

When he is past, he squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists as he walks. He exhales the breath that he had been holding and walks without turning to see behind him. He doesn't know if Jean will start following him or not but he can't turn round, not yet. His heart is pounding and he feels breathless. He reaches a junction and turns the corner before flinging himself to the wall and pressing himself against it. He starts shaking and he hugs himself, squeezing his eyes shut. He slides down the wall so that he is sitting on the cold hard pavement.

Doubts that had been flitting across his mind started to gain prominence and even more 'What Ifs' came to light. What if Jean didn't actually hate him? He certainly didn't look like he did back there. Well... he probably does now. He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them and groaned loudly out of despair. He'd fucked up, again. Yet another chance to fix this whole thing and he had blown it, so much for his 'Amazing Judgement' that he was well known for. He buries his head in his knees and blocks out the world around him, that is until his almost meditative state is broken by some pedestrian.

"Excuse me Miss?" Comes a familiar voice above him. He whips his head up, angrily. Getting mistaken for a girl didn't lose its frustration, no matter how many times it happend. He glares up at the pedestrian before his eyes soften a little as he realises who it is.

"Oh, it's you Armin." Comes the surprised yet pleased voice of the short man with very short hair.

"Oh... yeah, hey Connie..." He says, not finding the will to explain himself or the distressing circumstance that led him to be slumped against a wall on the corner of Main street and Tachibana avenue... at least that's what street he thinks he is on right now. He puts his head back down and just listens to the footsteps of those around him and the awkward shuffling of Connie.

"Do you mind me asking what you're doing down there?" Comes another familiar voice. When he looks up again there is an energetic young woman with brown hair... holding a bread roll in one hand, like usual (Sometimes it was a potato. Armin never questioned it) and her arm linked in Connie's

"Um..." Comes Armin's reply as he racks his brains to come up with a lie, but his tired mind fails him. "If you want the honest answer... I was despairing... but why I am here? I was going to get food." He admits and watches as Sasha's eyes light up and she looks at Connie with an expectant expression...

"A-Armin..." She says in a high pitched voice, excitement appearing to course through her entire body "I know the best place to get food! Please can we go eat! I'm so hungry!"

"Sash... You are eating a bread roll." Connie murmurs... then yelps when Sasha hits him on the ear with said roll.

"C'mon Armin, lets go get food." She says eagerly, taking Armin's arm and hauling him to his feet and looking at him as if expecting some kind of confirmation... Armin feels like there is no option but to agree, so he nods his head meekly, feeling slightly assaulted by her energy and enthusiasm. But if anything, company with them might help him feel better, or so he reasons. So he lets himself be dragged along by the arm by his brown haired friend. Connie pulls back a little from Sasha to walk with him.

"You shouldn't have mentioned food..." He whispers in jest, facetiously but to no avail. He frowns when he realises that Armin is still miserable. "Hey, lets talk in the café... you can vent to us if you'd like, cause something is clearly up... Sash can get you the appropriate comfort food... You can manage that can't you babe?" He calls up front to her.

"You betcha butt I can do that!" She yells and yanks Armin forward a little as she speeds up. Consideration taken over by blind excitement.

* * *

 Armin finds himself seated on a comfortable chair with a coffee table in front of him and with his two friends on a sofa across from him. They are in a rather bohemian coffee house that smells delicious. It's warm and cosy and none of the furniture matches and most of the upholstery is patchwork and on every table there is a shallow glass bowl filled with rosewater that releases a very subtle perfume that permeates the warm air of the shop. Armin feels very overwhelmed but simultaneously calmed by the atmosphere in the shop. He feels at ease in here, like being in this shop is like a retreat from the conflicting and afflicting thoughts that seem to constantly haunt him.

"Armin." Sasha says quietly, snapping her fingers in front of his face. He shakes himself and hums as a kind of non-committal question.

"Do you want to talk? You seem kind of... out of it?" She asks hesitantly and Connie leans forward in his seat just a little, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I... I guess I could..." Armin says distantly. Absent mindedly debating what he could gain from this before sighing out of a combination of hundreds of emotions.

"Is this about, y'know, yesterday?" Connie prompts, and Armin nods and inhales through his nose.

"Is... Is it odd that I regret everything?" He asks them out of the blue, voice filled with exhaustion and defeat. The couple look at eachother before turning back to him. 

"Define 'everything'." Connie questions to clarify.

"I... I regret breaking up with him like that. I regret the way I handled the situation. I could've sat there and listened to him, or stayed calm instead of doing what I did..."

Sasha hums a little before stating "Yeah... Everyone heard you... and saw you...I think it's probably okay to regret the way you broke up with him... It was  _scary..._ Even  _Ymir_ looked a little scared." She admits. "After you left, Mikasa was the only one who actually moved, she went to follow you, y'know? But Eren said you needed time to yourself... " 

"And Jean?" Armin asks, a little too quickly and kicks himself as he notices Connie and Sasha's eyebrows quirk up. "Oh... He probably h-hates me now, doesn't he?" He lets his voice quiver because he doesn't have the energy to hold it steady. He also fails to hide the way his eyes light up when Connie shakes his head.

"What?" He asks hopefully, his voice rising in pitch.

"I don't think he hates you... After you left he didn't seem angry at all... or hateful... He just... um... Curled up on the floor and cried." He says bluntly and Armin starts to feel the hope fade.

"Yeah, you broke his heart, man." Sasha butts in, sounding apologetic. "It was like, five minutes before anyone went to help him, we were all so shocked. But Marco went over to him, comforted him and took him home... He looked really broken... I don't think he hates you, he thinks you hate him." She explains earnestly and Armin feels his heart sink. 

"Oh... O-oh no." He stutters, thickly. His throat feeling constricted. 

"What?" Connie asks, worried frown furrowing his brow.

"What have I done?" Armin breaths to himself, looking at his hands, eyes wide and panic taking over him.

"What is it?" Connie asks urgently, leaning forward and staring at Armin intently.

"I... walked past him today..." He stutters to Connie although he says it like it is directed at nobody, he has his dead down, his palms splayed in front of him and his fringe hanging over his face. "I walked past him and panicked... I- I saw him coming and I panicked... I thought he hated me and I panicked..." He trails off and blinks, finding tears coming away on his eyelashes as his eyelids part.

"What did you do?" Sasha pushes.

"I... I ignored him..." He whispers.

"Oh..." Connie murmurs as he flinches back a little.

"RIGHT!" Sasha yells conspicuously in the quite coffee shop. "Say no more. I know what you need. Hang on..." She says before getting up out of her seat and heading over to the counter. Armin can only watch her as he sits in his chair feeling about three inches tall and completely flattened.

"So what do I do now?" He asks himself but Connie answers for him.

"Listen, you need to let Jean in. I know he cheated and you need to sort that shit out... but it's obvious that you feel bad for doing what you did to him and It's obvious what losing you has done to him..."

"I...I.." Armin tries but fails, he doesn't even know what he wants to say anymore.

"Next time you see him, let him in, don't shut him out." Connie advises him confidently. Suddenly Sasha is leaning over the back of the sofa that Connie is sat on. 

"Wow... You actually said something intelligent and sincere. Nice one Babe" She teases before coming around the sofa with two bowls. She places one on the Table in front of Armin. 

"I think the best food for you is this." She points at the bowl that is filled with what appears to be Ice-cream. "It's Got apple flavoured Ice-cream, Cinnamon, Toffee and vanilla... with a bit of cookie in there too. Don't you look at me like that Arlert. I know my food and I can say now that you need this Ice-cream." She pushes the bowl a little closer before turning her attention to her bowl which appeared to have about three times as much Ice-cream in as Armins bowl, with a wafer sticking out of the centre. She rubs her hands together and lets out a breathy moan combined with a lusty chuckle and her eyes start to water and she starts drooling. 

Armin watches as Connie reaches across and tries to steal the wafer from the top and ends up with a cushion to the face and a snarling girlfriend glaring at him. He shrinks back and mumbles a 'Sorry' to her and Armin starts eating his own Ice-cream. He begins to admit that it was the ideal food for his mood and he feels significantly lifted as he consumes more of the sweet, delicious goodness. He still has the crushing feeling in his chest from learning that he broke the heart of the one who loved him the most. But it feels soothed by the Ice-cream.

* * *

After they are finished in the Cafe, Sasha and Connie agree to go out shopping for Armin and tell him to go home. Which he does gladly. He feels like he is in a kind of limbo. Relieved that Jean doesn't hate him, but totally awful that he 'Broke his heart' and then ignored him... And that awful feeling grows like an anxiety attack as he walks past where Jean stood not even an hour ago, and watched him pass. He has to close his eyes as he walks past the spot. He tells himself that he can fix this... that he doesn't have to worry because Jean doesn't hate him.

By the time he has reached his house, climbed out of his car and opened his small rustic little cottage. He is feeling overwhelmed by the overall feeling that this entire situation is actually now somehow worse than before. Jean doesn't hate him. He never did... but Jean must certainly think that Armin hates him now... and that was way worse. It makes Armin feel like a bully, like a careless assailant. He is interrupted from his spiral into despair by a vibrating sensation that comes from his pocket... oh right yeah... his phone... He pulls it out to see who is calling and then almost drops the thin black object as he see's the Caller ID.

_Jean <3_

He fumbles with the device and is about to accept the call when it hits him... What if he messes up again? ... What if he says something wrong? What if he cant talk and just makes Jean feel ignored again? His breath hitches and he holds the phone in shaking hands, staring at the screen. 

He moves a finger up to the screen and slides the 'accept call' circle. Swallowing as he releases his finger over the red area of the screen and just like that, the ringing is silenced and the call is rejected.

"I... I can't..." He chokes to himself, useless tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he stares at the now silent device in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANTED TO MAKE THEM HUG ON THE STREET! 
> 
> (Also, Tachibana Avenue isn't inspired by Makoto from Free! *although he deserves a something to be named after him*  
> A Tachibana is an inedible japanese citrus fruit, like an orange. Fun fact.)
> 
> Ps: Did I manage 2 frozen references in two chapters? I think I kinda did.


	5. Taking Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As time hope runs out and desperation sets in, Jean takes a last ditch attempt to fix it all that goes against the advice that he has been given. But by now he is beyond caring. A chance to fix this and he isn't going to let it slip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long guys. I got distracted by Orange is the New Black. But enjoy it anyway :)

At first, cold waves of hopelessness had crashed over Jean. Armin didn't want anything to do with him. He had walked past without any hint of recognition and it scared Jean more than anything he had encountered before. He had gone home totally numbed from shock and sheer loss of will to continue with anything. But as soon as he passed over the threshold of his front door, a hollowed out feeling of despair had filled him and he had stumbled to his sofa and collapsed. On the verge of tears he had pulled out his phone and called Bertholdt again. He had stuttered and choked through tears as he told him what happened and had listened desperately to the tall man's advice. The last words of the phone call resonated through his mind. " _Don't give up._ "

* * *

About an hour and a half later he had another phone call, this time Sasha. His mood had been instantly switched from hopelessness to invigorated excitement as she relayed what she had heard from Armin.

" _Armin thought you hated him, that's why he passed you on the street... he was scared and panicked_  ." She had said. _  
_

" _So... he doesn't h-hate me?_ " Jean had asked with a voice brimming with optimism, the odd hiccup from the tears breaking his sentences.

" _No... He's pissed at you for doing what you did... but its more hurt-pissed rather than angry-pissed. He regrets breaking up with you like that, y'know? He wishes he just talked to you about it instead of exploding like he did._ " She admitted.

It felt kind of wrong... like they were betraying Armin's privacy... but this information was vital and Jean felt part of him being restored. Alright nothing was actually fixed yet, but the chance to fix it was getting larger and larger by the minute. It seemed a little too good to be true if he was honest.

" _You had better not be fucking with me here Sasha._ " He had warned.

" _Oh, I'm not, we found him sat on the corner of Main street and Tachibana Avenue with his head on his knees... I think ignoring you hurt him too._ " She told him earnestly. _  
_

" _Oh..._ " Was all Jean could muster, his mind overrun by it all.

" _You need to talk to him Jean. Call him or something. We did our best to cheer him up but he needs you... He wants a second chance as much as you do._ "

" _O-okay_." He had stuttered excitedly before hanging up and going to his contacts and pressing Armin's number. Luckily he was second from the top and Jean didn't have the chance to doubt his actions whilst scrolling through his contacts. He brought the phone too his ear and bit his lip, mumbling for Armin to pick up. Suddenly the ringing cut out and he brought the phone away from his ear and looked at the screen.

Call Rejected. 

Not to be discouraged from his only hope of actually fixing things, he had called him three times every day... each time the calls were rejected or ignored. But by the end of a week filled with silence and rejection he was becoming desperate. His hope was fading and each time his call was ignored or rejected, the sting was a little worse every time. 

* * *

It was Saturday. Precisely one week from the day where it had ended. Jean awoke as he had since Monday, only with the little spark of hope decreasing in ferocity with every day that passed. Today, he decided, is the last ditch attempt to get Armin to talk to him. It was time for drastic action that he really isn't prepared for. But he isn't prepared for another week of no contact either. His plan goes against a snippet of Bertholdt's advice, but at this point he is beyond caring. It's eleven in the morning and he throws his bedsheets off before springing up to throw on some clothes. He rushes getting ready, not even glancing outside to look at the weather before leaving his house, not stopping for breakfast. A weird nervousness in his chest telling him that he probably couldn't stomach breakfast anyway. 

He runs the distance to his destination, not giving any attention to the fact that the rain is coming down heavily and it's fucking freezing. Luckily the destination is in the same district in the city as his home so it's not too far.

He stops in front of the door that marks the end of his journey. He bends over and rests his hands on his knees and sucks in air, the adrenaline of the run fading and leaving him to battle the crippling breathlessness. The cold water pounding on his back. After a couple of minutes of embarrassingly frantic inhaling and exhaling, he straightens up and looks at the door. 

" _Just knock._ " He tells himself. Gearing up to do the deed. He feels his heart beating hard in his chest and he swallows nervously. " _C'mon, just knock._ " 

He reaches up, balling his right hand into a fist before bringing it forward and rapping his knuckles on the old wooden door. He waits, taking involuntarily deep breaths to calm himself, feeling butterflies rise in his stomach. He looks at the ground, at the doorstep, trying to control himself but it's all for nothing as his breathing stops and his heart feels like it ceases beating as the door swings open. He is sure he must look terrified, because god knows he feels it.

He feels his hair plastered to his head and his t-shirt cling to his body and it's cold. He must look a mess but he looks up anyway and immediately locks his eyes with the owner of the house.

Large, tired blue eyes widen and a mouth drops open.

"Oh... oh god." Armin gasps, his breath hitching as he registers the soaking, dishevelled man in front of him. Tears start to pool on the bottom lids of his eyes and Jean feels panic rise in his chest. The door starts to swing shut but Jean lunges forward and jams a foot in the crack between the frame and the door. 

"I...I c-can't." Comes Armin's broken and muffled voice from inside. "I'll only make th-things worse..." The desperation and the sobs that run through his voice cut into Jean and he feels tears prick the corners of his own eyes. Armin is being way too hard on himself and there is nothing he can do to stop him. This is the only chance he will get to save him from himself and the only chance he will get to get Armin back to him.

"Please... Armin... Let me explain myself, apologise, anything... Please." By now the desperation and tears have oozed themselves completely into Jean as he stands out in the cold rain. His foot doesn't leave the crack in the doorway. He leans forward and rests his forehead on the heavy door.

"Please." He begs once more, his voice falling to a coarse whisper, as he feels warm tears mix with the cold raindrops sliding down his cheeks. The door begins to move away from him and he is forced to stand up straight as it swings back open and Armin looks at him, nods once, rubbing his eyes with his palms and then he turns around and waves Jean in, subtly and wordlessly before walking into the living room. Jean watches the mess of blond hair on his head as he disappears. He wants to caress it, run his fingers through it... find comfort in it. But he knows he can't and it hurts.

"Be strong." he whispers to himself before stepping out of the rain and through the open door, closing it behind him. "Don't give up."

He follows Armin's direction to the living room. He immediately sees that the fire is lit and he hurries over to it. His cold, wet clothes clinging to him. He huddles in front of it and tries to warm himself, tries to quell the shivering. He turns, sitting on the hearth and he looks at Armin, who has curled up on the sofa and wrapped himself in a blanket, staring shamelessly at Jean as if captivated by the sodden, fair haired sight in his living room. He suddenly realises what he is doing and averts his gaze and all of a sudden there is a awkward silence of gargantuan proportions as they look away from eachother, not really knowing what to do. 

After what seems like an hour of staring -at whatever object occupied the room that was most interesting- in a mix of disbelief, worry, suspicion, doubt and sadness. Jean has been gearing himself up for action and now feels ready to talk.

So he does exactly that. For the first time in a week, he talks.

"Armin." He says softly and Armin jumps, as if snapped from hypnosis. He takes a breath and closes his eyes.

"Armin... I want to apologise... This... This is going to sound so fucking...  _Inadequate_ and so pathetic of me... But I am _so_  sorry for what I did and I never even knew that I had done it... I was so out of it and so drunk that I can't even remember what I did but even so, I am sorry for doing that to you... for being so ignorant  and oblivious this whole time about how you felt. This past week has been hell for me, I know I didn't deserve for you to pick up _any_ of those phone calls. But I am so grateful that you actually let me in here... I-I just felt empty and lost and so... shit... all week and until Sasha called me on Sunday... I thought you hated me which I couldn't deal with alone, I mean I went to see Reiner and Bertholdt cause I didn't know what to do... But then I found out you didn't hate me and-and... I don't know... I still felt so disconnected from you and it was horrible... I'm just so so sorry about what I did, I was fucking stupid and even though you said you don't. You have every right to hate me... But I love you Armin... and I am so sorry..."

He takes a deep breath, cutting his rant off, realising that he has lost control of his words, that they had spilled from his mouth like pebbles from a sack and has said far more than necessary. But he relays everything he just said, back through his head and finds that he meant every word. His eyes have travelled around the room as he spoke and now they fix back on Armin who looks to be a little uncomfortable after the small untamed rant.

"I-..." He begins but it chokes off and he looks scared, not of Jean. But of himself.

"It's okay... take you-... Take your time". Jean stutters nervously, preparing himself for anything. For any possible outcome. Armin nod's silently and squeezes his eyes shut.

"I... I'm s-sorry too." He murmurs shyly and Jean frowns, confused... okay so he hadn't prepared himself for that one...

"Wha-why?" He asks incredulously.

"I'm... I'm sorry for how I handled the situation. I'm sorry that I exploded like that. I'm sorry that I didn't handle it in a less damaging way. I'm sorry I ignored you on the street and I'm sorry that I haven't picked up any of your calls..." He takes a deep breath 

"Armin-"

"No... I'm sorry, I didn't trust myself to pick up without ruining everything... I mean I made all the wrong decisions. I... I thought you hated me and I was scared and I didn't know what to do so I ignored you and I knew that was a mistake, even when I was doing it because all that I wanted to do was hug you and make everything alright and... Oh... um..." He stutters to a halt, realising his blunder. 

"I..."

"Armin..." Jean says then sighs and tries a smile, that betrays his feelings of nervousness and excitement.

" _He wanted to hug me... all this time he just wanted a hug..."_ He thinks, running a hand through his wet hair and taking a deep breath, he continues.

"It's okay. It's fine... Y'know Sasha said that you wished you had another chance to sort this out?" Armin nods and looks at the floor, looking... Guilty? "Well, now you have that chance..." He finishes softly, and he watches as his Ex-boyfriend lifts his head and looks at him with those wide, blue eyes.

"Jean..." He whispers, like he is about to deny himself this chance so before he can, Jean cuts in.

"No. Armin. Please, say what you want to say... Just... I don't know... stay calm and tell me everything that you wanted to say... and I will listen, and then you can kick me out of the house or something when you are done? Okay?" He jokes and smiles and his heart leaps when a small smile flickers on Armin's lips in return.

"C-can i start by... um... finding you some of your clothes?... You c-can't be comfortable in th-those." Armin stumbles nervously, glancing pointedly at Jean's sodden clothes. Jean chuckles breathily, almost inaudibly and nods, remembering the cold and the shivering that had been pushed to the back of his mind.

"Yeah... Yes please." He replies and gives a slight sigh of relief as he feels the tension in the room slipping away. He feels warmed by the fire at his back but also by the willing hospitality of Armin. It feels like a step in the right direction. And it is like the first step of a baby. Shaky, insubstantial but ground-breaking and miraculous. As Armin leaves the room to go to his bedroom to look for some of Jean's clothes. Jean puts his head in his hands and smiles, he grins for the first time in a week and it feels refreshing and ridiculous but uncontrollable.

A few minutes later Armin brings him a t-shirt, some jogging pants and a hoodie, the clothes he had been wearing last time he had come over. He hands them to Jean and tells him just to get changed in the kitchen. Jean accepts them gratefully and goes into the unlit kitchen and closes the door behind him. He peels off his wet T-shirt and Jeans and puts them on a nearby radiator. He pulls on the soft,  _dry_ clothes... 

" _Hang on... this hoodie doesn't smell like me... this smells like Armin... Has he been wearing this since last week?!_ " He physically has to stop himself from curling into a ball on the floor and hugging himself. 

" _That's fucking adorable..._ " He thinks to himself as he battles the foetal position urges that course through him.

He pulls the door back open and composes himself as the blond haired man turns to look at him. A daring idea crosses his mind... Daring in the perspective of the current situation, anyway... He walks across the living area and sits at the opposite end of the sofa to Armin and curls his legs up. Looking up and smiling at the slightly anxious other man. The fact that he has gotten this far, giving him courage.

"So... um... Tell me... Tell me what you wanted to say..." Jean mumbles, the confidence might be there, but he has no idea what to say. But luckily Armin seems to get the message and he nods, curling up in his nest of cushions and blankets before taking a deep breath.

"Okay... Well... Jean? I know... I know you love me... But I didn't feel loved. I felt like your toy. And... And I don't even want to go back to that night... I know you were drunk but it still... It still fucking hurt. So much... Maybe you couldn't help it. If you couldn't remember it, then you probably couldn't but I... I just don't want that to happen ever again. I mean... I love you but I can't go on if that happens..." He mutters. His breath hiccuping as if he his holding back tears. Armin is a strong person and Jean knows it, but as he looks at the exhausted, broken person in front of him, he sees what he has done and the urge to fix everything becomes stronger than anything. 

"Wh-... What do you want me to do?" He pauses and takes a calming breath. "Do you want me to give... to give you space?"  He asks with resignation as he realises that his subconscious hopes of Armin actually wanting to take him back were a little farfetched.

"I do..." Comes the quiet response and Jean nods, hanging his head and biting his lip to fight back to tears of disappointment.

"But I really don't." Armin continues in a confused voice and Jean's head whips up, misled tears flying from his eyes. 

"What?"

"I don't want you to give me space. I've had a week of space and it's space that I've given myself, and it's been a mundane purgatory. I don't want space Jean..." He looks up at Jean who is wide eyed and speechless. He takes a deep breath and speaks softly but urgency roughing the edges of his voice.

"Jean... You gave me a second chance to say what I wanted to... I want to give this relationship a second chance..."

...

Jean feels dizzy and his heart is beating erratically. He can't seem to suck in enough breath. The silence drags on as he tries to compose himself. 

" _Oh my god Jean don't fuck this up, you need to focus-_ " His thoughts are cut through when a gentle voice reaches him.

"Jean, say something. Please?"

"I... If you'll have me b-back." He stutters, astounded. His head not caught up to the moment.

Armin smiles and lifts one corner of the blanket that he has snuggled under and holds it up, silently inviting Jean under and into his nest of cushions. Jean looks at the blanket, dumbfounded for a moment before he shakes his head to clear the haze of disbelief. He smiles and swallows the lump that had managed to rise in his throat before scooting across the sofa to join Armin under the soft cotton blanket. He doesn't cuddle up because he really isn't sure how fast or far to go and he is terrified of scaring Armin away. Luckily Armin does it for him, Leaning in, looping an arm around Jean and resting his tousled head on Jean's chest. He murmurs something inaudible into the fabric of the hoodie and Jean looks down and can see the skin of his cheeks glowing pink.

"What was that?" Jean asks.

"I missed you." Armin mumbles, cheeks heating further. Jean smiles and puts his arm around is ex-ex-boyfriend and whispers

"I missed you too." And with that, Armin pulls Jean in tighter and buries his head in the soft fabric of the jumper.

"Armin...?" Jean asks innocently after a long stretch of comfortable silence. 

"Hm?"

"Did you wear this jumper?" He queries, a sly, playful smile creeping onto his lips as he hears a sharp intake of breath.

"No." comes the all to quick response.

"What did you do then?" Jean asks, now genuinely curious. Armin pushes his face into Jean's chest out of embarrassment and says something that's muffled. But Jean manages to catch something along the lines of 'cuddling' and 'At night'.

"Aw" He coos. "That's really sweet of you." Armin sits up and slaps him in the chest, failing miserably to hide the embarrassed smile on his face. Before scolding him.

"Hush you, I'm adorable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many Frozen references is that now? three?  
> Anyway guys, it's only up from here. Thank god.


	6. Fixing the Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their relationship is fixed... but just how stable is it, what will it take to make up for what they did for eachother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had a stunning pun in here but it was kind of spoilers... which is a shame... it was an exceptional pun. So just go into this blind and enjoy...
> 
> ALSO I AM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! IM SORRY!

"Hush you, I'm adorable." Armin pouts and looks Jean in the eye. Feeling a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth, which he fights to try and keep up the unamused act. However, the genuine feeling of happiness and amusement welling up inside him makes the smile uncontrollable and he feels his pout fade as his smile widens, turning to a cheeky grin. Jean's lips curl into a smile too and he reaches out and takes Armin's hand underneath the blanket. Armin doesn't see the act but he feels the warm, slightly rough hand take his. He feels how comfortably they fit together and he feels his grin soften to a contented smile.

"Honestly though. You are too cute to handle sometimes." Jean mutters and promptly receives another slap to the chest and gives a short bark of a laugh and Armin feels his ears heat up.

"Shut up. This is so embarrassing" Armin mumbles, trying to hide his pink face and the awkward smile on his face with one hand. (Not wanting to pull his other hand from Jean's grasp.)

"No... I'ts really touching actually..." Jean says softly, moving a little closer to Armin and he feels his cheeks flare brighter as he shuffles up. Jean puts one hand on his side and gently pulls him closer. Armin lifts his head and looks up into Jean's eyes and finds him smiling down to him. The pure warmth of the smile gives him a buzzing feeling in his chest and he can only gaze as Jean tilts his head and lets go of his hand, lifting it to cup his cheek, brushing his thumb across the blondes cheekbone.

Armin Feels himself drawn closer and he can't stop himself. His mind has gone blank to everything that isn't just him, Jean and the instinctive contact on his cheek. Their bodies press together and Armin feels the hitch of nervousness in his breath but the supporting comfort of familiarity behind this.

"Ca-... May I?" Jean asks cautiously as their faces slowly close the remaining gap between them. Armin's nose bumps against Jean's and he nods very slightly, feeling his boyfriends breath on his lips. He inhales slowly before closing his eyes and waiting. For a nerve-racking, silent, blind moment there is nothing where Armin's head is given the freedom to swirl then everything stops as Jean's lips catch his softly and slowly. It's unlike the kisses from any other times before. The want and burning desire that he is used to has been restrained and what remains is a gentle, caring contact that is fresh and completely captivating.

" _This is new..._ " He thinks vaguely as his concentration slips as he sinks into the kiss.

Armin's lips meld against Jean's and he lifts his hands winding the fingers of one hand through the fair brown hair and the other hand placed on Jean's shoulder, thumb stroking in semi-circles on the warm skin of his neck. The kiss just seems to progress naturally and soon the warmth of is has flooded to his toes and fingertips. He feels Jean's tongue swipe his lower lip and he lets it in without hesitation. They lips move together, slowly and delicately. Memories, that had been suppressed by the loneliness and depression of the past week, come flooding back. The taste of Jean on his tongue is familiar and soothing. The warm, intrusive feeling of Jean's tongue sliding in his mouth is almost overwhelming. Yet everything is amplified as it feels like Armin plays a part in the kiss too, not just being overpowered by Jean like the kisses of the past.

Armin skilfully curls his tongue against and around Jean's and Jean elicits a lewd groan that is muffled by his boyfriends lips. Armin's lips turn up at the corners into a small, triumphant smile and he moves, lifting his leg over Jean's so that he is sat in his boyfriends lap, his hands move down to Jean's neck as their tongues do lazy battle in his mouth. He feels all of the tension, nervousness and fear leak out of him and he is left with a pulsating warmth that courses through his body. His lips and tongue are on fire and he presses deeper into the lavish yet languorous kiss. Hit tongue leaves Jean's alone and he works it into the other's mouth where he explores thoroughly.

Their breathing has turned heavy and their hands have started roaming, Armin feels pulled in by Jean's hands that are now on his back and have found their way under his too-big T-shirt and his rough fingers are drawing small patterns on his warm skin. He pulls back letting Jean's tongue slip between his lips. He rests their foreheads together and gasps for breath against Jean's lips. His eyes opening slowly.

"That was different." He breaths, looking down into the taller man's eyes, moving his arms so that they wrap around the nape of his neck.

"That was amazing..." Jean murmurs. His cheeks colour and he looks to the side, avoiding Armin's direct gaze. "You're amazing." He finishes awkwardly and Armin feels the heat of Jean's blush on his own cheeks. He smiles and places a small kiss at the corner of Jean's mouth and his eyes whip back to Armin's and he smiles.

"I don't deserve you, y'know." He whispers, his face dropping to an earnest, downcast expression. "I did all that shit to you and yet here we are."

"Jean, stop." He says sternly before taking a slow breath." Lets forget about that. That is in the past... Lets just move on. Okay?" Armin says calmly, with nothing but the solid honest feeling behind his words, backing up a little so Jean can see his face. "There is no one but you for me, and if you don't know that already then remember it now." He reassures with slight severity. Jean smiles slightly, the worry lifting from his features, he nods once and Armin smiles too.

After a moment of comfortable silence and staring Jean gets the look on his face that he is building up to saying something sappy. He blushes and opens his mouth but Armin just rolls his eyes and cuts him off by diving on his lips with a kiss. His mouth is already open so Armin's tongue slips in easily. Jean cries out in surprise but it is muffled and quelled by Armin's lips and tongue. 

Even though he told Jean to forget what happened, the empty feeling of loneliness that he felt for the entirety of the past week has it's tendrils spread through Armin like the intrusive feeling of a cold wind managing to seep through warm clothing. As his mind is drawn to the feelings he shivers. The lingering fingers of loneliness becoming more and more noticeable. His Hands fall from Jean's neck to in between them, resting for a moment in the warm air caused by their combined body heat and close proximity, before worming their way underneath Jean's hoodie, under the t-shirt. His palms make contact with the warm, smooth skin underneath and he works them upwards, splaying his hands on Jean's chest. He needs to expel all the feelings of isolation that last week brought. But even this isn't enough. He needs more, way more than their "Taking-it-slow" relationship ever went before.

An idea flies into mind and it's extremity immediately makes Armin dizzy and he feels his pulse rise... The idea brings with it a new excitement and his senses heighten. He can taste Jean like never before, he can smell their combined odour and their fading deodorant. He can feel the warm tongue against his and he can hear the vulgar, wet sounds that their lips are making and the occasional obscene moan or gasp, being drawn out of their throats. And to top it off he can't see shit and it's sending blood to a place that he would usually be ashamed and embarrassed about. But now he feels something else. Before he can think twice, the words are out and he is spiralling unstoppably.

"Jean..." He gasps between two kisses.

"Mm?" Jean hums into his mouth.

"You've... miss me?" He breathes. Still feeling a small tug of nervousness and doubt, making him skirt around the subject for a moment.

"Yeah... I've Missed you... so mu-"

"I've missed... you too." He mumbles, his words slurred by the clumsy kiss.

"Armin... wha-"

"I missed you... a lot... So... Shut up... and fuck me..." He moans, the words easily slipping through his swollen and fiery lips, as Jean tugs him closer before stiffening at the words he just said.

"W-what?" Jean asks, pulling back, their lips parting with a light smacking sound, and looking at Armin seriously but with wide eyes.

"I said-" He mutters, shuffling as close as possible so that his crotch is pressing against Jean's. He leans in and whispers in his ear, almost inaudibly "Fuck. me." His breath brushing over Jeans ear, needy arousal totally clouding his personality and changing him into a horny, hungry, deviant. Jean shudders and Armin smiles a naughty and dirty little smile before kissing Jean again, viciously. Biting his lips, making him groan with lust.

He feels Jean's dick rub against his and he smiles at how hard his boyfriend has become and he grinds down. The friction and pressure making Jean whine wantonly.

"Ffuck... Armin" He gasps, his arms wrapping around the blond's waist, pulling him in. His head buried in Armin's shoulder as he shakes violently whenever Armin grinds against him. He starts kissing the blond's neck, messily and Armin releases a choked off gasp as Jean nips at his skin, no doubt causing vivid red marks to blossom on his pale skin. He slides his hands back down the smooth skin of Jean's body until his fingers his the waistband of his jogging pants. He takes a deep breath and Jean seems to have slowed his attack on his neck. Instead moving to kiss his jawline, slowly and softly. Armin tilts his head back and closes his eyes, letting Jean's kisses continue across his chin.

His fingers pick at the waistband of the jogging pants with a mixture of anticipation for the unknown, impatience and excitement, before slipping them in. His fingers bump against something hard, hot and throbbing and Jean hisses.

"A-rmin." He chokes, burying his face into the crook of his neck. The blush on his cheeks burning so fiercely, brought on by the unusual but ever so stimulating contact of Armin's fingers, no matter how slight his touch is. After a few moments of teasing the very tip of Jean's cock with his fingertips, eliciting gasps and hisses from the taller man, he finally gives Jean just a little bit of attention. Smiling deviously

"What is it Jean?" He whispers softly in Jean's ear.

"Y-you don't have t-" But his selfless protest is cut off when Armin takes his earlobe between his teeth and tugs gently and his sentence turns to a keening whine. Armin's fingers work further down Jean's cock, getting about halfway down before winding around and giving an experimental tug. Jean groans and a jolt runs through him, hips bucking upwards and throwing Armin sideways. He lands on his back across the remainder of the sofa, his t-shirt riding up to reveal his pale unblemished stomach. Jean begins to apologise profusely but his words fail him as he scrambles across the sofa to check on Armin, obviously still nervous about fucking everything up between them once again.

He kneels between Armin's sprawled legs and looks down with worry written all over his face. Armin looks up and can't help but smile at how scared he looks.

"Jean... I'm fine, stop worrying... Just relax." He soothes, trying to hide his amusement at how dorky Jean seems to be.

" _You'd think he'd be the confident one... It's kinda cute that he isn't_." He thinks to himself, reaching up and beckoning slightly for Jean to come to him, leaning up to take his shoulders to guide him down slowly. Meeting his lips halfway before pulling him the rest of the way so that their bodies lie flush against eachother, their lips locked.

Armin notices how Jean's instincts must have kicked in because his kiss is equally as passionate as his. There is a slight friction as they lay there, shifting slightly. A friction in a very needy part of Armin's body. He ruts his hips upwards against Jean, experimentally. Jean gasps against his lips but he retaliates partially involuntarily, grinding Armin into the sofa in search of that same friction from before, causing the blonde man to cry his name.

"J-Jean, Holy fuck." He gasps, his hands moving to clutch at the fabric of Jean's hoodie, fingers digging into his back. Jean breaks away from the kiss and smiles triumphantly before pushing down again, their clothed cocks rubbing together and this time they both gasp and Armin's hips buck upwards whilst Jean shudders uncontrollably, his arms either side of Armin, almost buckling.

"Is th-this good?" He asks carefully, his breathing heavy and strained. Armin nods once. His large blue eyes watering from the intense feeling simply brought on by the friction and the pressure between them.

"Jean..." He says in-between laboured breaths. "Are... are you sure you're r-ready... for this?" Jean stills for a moment and looks Armin in the eye. He smiles and sighs.

"I think so... yeah. I want to do this with you." He says softly, moving one hand to brush a strand of hair from Armin's face with his thumb.

"Then what's stopping us?" Armin says nervously, his heart thudding in his chest... The enormity of the moment finally catching up to him, his devilish mood washing away and making his heart thunder against his ribcage, stealing his breath from him. But there is nothing more that he wants other than to do this, right here right now. Jean smiles and leans back down and connects their lips tenderly.

"Absolutely nothing." He mumbles, smiling assuringly but anxiously. Capturing Armin's lips with his once again and warmth spreads through Armin's body. He sighs into the kiss and closes his eyes for a moment, revelling in the warm, calm, safe kiss.

In all honesty, he has wanted to do this with Jean for a while, the time just never seemed right... but now the opportunity has arisen... His eyes open as he remembers something. He reaches his arm backwards, fumbling with the drawer on the coffee table next to the sofa, sliding it open clumsily before rummaging through it blindly with his hand until he finds what he needs. He grasps the items and pulls them out, handing them to Jean. Who, by now, is looking up at Armin with a look of confusion. He takes what looks to be a bottle of some kind of gel and a box wrapped things.

"OH!" he exclaims as he realises what they are, his head so caught up in the moment he didn't recognise them at the first. "Oh..." He says again, subdued when the realisation hits him, his cheeks flaming.

"If we're going to do this... Then we're going to need those, aren't we?" Armin ask quietly and Jean nods then smiles confidently.

"Yeah... We are." He says in a hushed tone, before he leans down again. As soon as their lips touch, the lust that was lost in the previous awkwardness, returns and the kiss quickly and unexpectedly deepens. The air is filled with the shuffling of clothes and bodies, the sound of wet lips smacking and tongues meeting, small gasps of arousal and the odd sensual moan of pleasure. The mood quickly descends back to steamy as their bodies press together. Jean slides a hand over Armin's chest, under and up his baggy t-shirt. A shiver runs through Armin's body at the contact.

Armin's hands hold Jean's sides tightly but as the taller man's hands work up his body, his hands switch to autopilot and start moving lower, sliding over the smooth fabric of the jumper. His fingers reach the place where Jean's hoodie ends and his pants begin. He works his fingers under the elasticated waistband and his hands slide across the smooth skin of his hips, his fingertips gracing over the side of Jean's butt, his thumbs are tracing the V in his pelvis.

The further down Armin's fingers get, the heavier Jean's breathing becomes. Armin smiles into the kiss as he feels Jean shudder at his touch, he applies a bit of pressure to the soft skin either side of the base his boyfriends hardening cock. Jean cries out against his lips and a quiver runs down the taller man's spine.

Armin feels fingertips tracing over his chest and then suddenly a pinching on his left nipple and Jean raises his head smiles fiendishly as he gets his payback. Armin gasps and there is a moment where he looks at Jean with an expression of betrayal before Jean's fingers squeeze and twist, an unrestrained groan rips it's way up his throat and between his parted lips as he squirms. His head spins and he tries to gain some control by grasping onto the nearest thing to his fingers.

Jean gasps and his arms almost give way as Armin's warm slender fingers wrap around his painfully untouched erection, desperately. Jean's face drops next to Armin's and his hot breaths come heavily and erratically on his neck. He feels a messy, wet kiss pressed into his neck and he moves his fingers up and down the throbbing shaft in his grasp and a trembling moan escapes the lips next his ear. Armin smiles, taking his hands away from Jean's dick and moving them to tug his jogging pants down. He looks up and watch as the erection springs free of the waistline and he gulps.

He releases the jogging pants and reaches back to curl his fingers around Jean's pulsating member. He moves them up and down with a slow rhythm, every so often swiping a thumb across the tip to catch a bead of precum and smear it down the rest of his penis. One of Jean's hands starts to slide down Armin's body, it's fingers worming beneath Armin's own waistband.

Armin gasps as the fingers run down the sensitive skin of his crotch. A shiver convulses up his spine right before the fingers come into contact with his penis. And then suddenly there is pressure. Warm, calloused pressure and it reveals to him just how sensitive he is. As the rough fingers wrap around him he bucks his hips up and groans, Fast losing control of himself, his fingers loosening on Jean's cock. As Jean's fingers move in the identical rhythm to his and an incomparable pleasure washes over him in waves and he feels himself go weak. His mouth starts to hang open and he is unable to control himself. His breathing is loud and heavy, but not as loud as the sound of his pulse or Jean's laboured breath in his ears.

Jean starts to pull his pants off and he is completely helpless. With one hand remaining on Armin's erection, he tugs the garment down his legs and yanks it off his feet, leaving his boyfriend naked from the waist down.

Armin feels the cold air of the house start to close in on his skin and he shivers again, but this time it's partly from the cold and partly from the mortifying exposure. Jean's hand leaves him and the loss of contact makes him whimper. He looks up through watering eyes and finds Jean staring. He flushes from embarrassment and throws an arm over his face to hide his eyes.

He feels a moist contact on his knee and he flinches and gasps. The contact breaks with the sound of skin leaving skin and then he feels it again, on his thigh... then again halfway up the inside of his thigh. He whines Jean's name but gets no response as the contacts move higher and higher. Kisses.

He feels Jean suck at the tender skin of his inner thigh, then a warm tongue lave over the mark. He feels hair tickle at his balls as the kisses move higher. He feels the hot breath on his legs fade and feels Jean reposition himself. He breaths out a sigh that lasts for about a second before he feels Jean's breath on him again. Right above his penis. The sigh is sucked back in and his toes curl, a slight tug from the hook of nervousness in his stomach makes him clench his fists.

"J-Jean." He whimpers desperately, breathlessly, hoping for any kind of response. It's  met with nothing but a chuckle from the taller man before he feels warm, wet lips close around the head of his penis. He whines and fights from thrusting upwards into the warmth. Jean hums as he feels Armin fight himself under him, and the vibrations buzz through throughout Armin's midriff and he moans . He tries to bury himself in the sofa cushions. The humiliation of being naked is becoming background to the warm wet heat he feels closing around him. His head swirls. The pleasure is too great and he thinks that if he doesn't escape it soon it might overwhelm him... but there is nothing more that he wants than to be sent over the brink by Jean, right this instant.

He hisses and squirms, biting his bottom lip to stop him from crying out when Jean swipes a tongue around his cock before swallowing around it. Armin whines pathetically as his muscles seem to turn to jelly and his head lolls back, his tensed arm across his face, collapsing. His arching back falling to the sofa and his toes, curled into the fabric of the cushions, giving up and loosening their grip. He doesn't relax, he just loses all control. The nip of his teeth on his lip fades as his control fails his jaw muscles and he looses a cry into the air as Jean bobs his head once, twice, three times. Armin reaches to card his fingers through Jean's hair, subconsciously tugging.

Jean's lips tighten around his cock in a smile he swallows again, purposefully and Armin's fingers curl in his hair, nails digging into his scalp slightly. His mind swirls into a white noise and his breath comes in ragged gasps. Jean starts to slide his lips up his cock, pressing them firmly to the skin as he dragged them up Armin's shaft.

"Ah-hn" Armin groans before Jean takes his lips from his dick completely with a wet pop sound. "O-Oh" He whimpers at the loss of hot claustrophobia that the lips and tongue created. A claustrophobia that he realises he so desperately needs. He moves his arm, feeling the weakness in his muscles. He cracks his eyes open so that they are just slits of white black and a band of vivid blue around his blown pupils. Through the blur of water he makes out Jean's smile, a smile that falters as he gazes down at Armin, almost completely undone. The blond hair tousled and mussed, his blue eyes, half-lidded, lusty and watering, His lips parted and drooling at the corners.

"Shit... Armin... y-you are so hot." Jean murmurs appreciatively, eyes widening to a stare.

"Jean- Jean please..." Armin begs, his voice low and husky. "I N-need m-more." Jean's stare doesn't waver and neither does the sheer vulnerability coursing through Armin. He feels it to his core. His dick twitches from it's resting place on his stomach, in a small puddle of Jean's saliva and his own Precum. It's need increasing with the loss of contact.

Armin sobs"... Jean..." And just like that, Jean's trance breaks and he shakes his head to clear it. He lowers himself, supporting himself with his left arm, next to Armin's head, looking down on the blue eyed man who is almost distressed by his own arousal. He leans down, placing a knee between Armin's thighs. He kisses his jaw, his Adams Apple, the soft curve of his neck. His right hand cups Armin's cheek and he smooths his thumb under his eye. Catching any stray tears. Armin closes his eyes and hums as he feels Jean's lips connect with his soft skin under his ear and linger. He feels his hand lift but his fingertips remain and they start to track slowly down his cheek towards lips. When resting against the still swollen skin, they press down and Jean whispers in his ear with a lustful voice.

"Open..."

"Eeh?" Armin mumbles against the digits, confused. He parts his lips slowly and curiously and Jean pushes his fingers in. A muffled sound of shock escapes Armin's throat but he doesn't resist and spit Jean's fingers out, instead he lets them push in further, feeling them slide over his tongue.

"Suck." Jean commands quietly in his Ear. Jean takes the lobe between his teeth and tugs and Armin groans before he starts licking and sucking at the two fingers. Swirling his tongue around them and coating them in his saliva. He hums as Jean kisses his ear and his hair and his cheeks before pulling back and looking at Armin, slowly pulling his fingers from his mouth. Armin's eyes follow the slicked fingers as they leave him, a string of saliva spanning from them, connecting them to his lips.

"K... Armin... I need you to relax." Jean says quietly and Armin inhales slowly, a sudden anxious fear running through his body. Jean leans back down and kisses him hard. His lips taste slightly salty and Armin realises that that is himself that he can taste on Jean's tongue. Jean breaks the kiss but rests their foreheads together so that they're breathing heavily on each others mouths.

"Armin... If you want me to stop... Tell me to stop... okay?" He says between laboured breaths. Armin nods and whimpers nervously and needily. He feels Jean's saliva slicked fingers press against his asshole and he shudders and chokes out a groan under the taller man. He teases Armin's hole, running his fingers around the rim and applying pressure every now and again. It tickles a little but he feels sensitive and a shiver of pure, arousing stimulation shoot up his spine and his breath turns from huffs of hot air to frantic panting. Jean presses his fingers against his hole and after a moment, they slide in and a keening gasp escapes Armin's throat at the intrusion.

"G-god... Jean... Fuck." He stutters at the feeling of Jean's slender fingers pushing further into the tight heat.

"You doin okay?" Jean whispers affectionately, pausing in his progression. Armin nods, his eyes screwed shut and watering. Jean smiles to himself and pushes in further. His fingers reaching the third and final knuckle. Unable to go any further, Armin trembling and whimpering below him.

"Relax." He breathes and kisses Armin deeply and passionately before pulling away and slowly starting to scissor and twist his fingers, stretching Armin.

"A-Ah... Hn..." Armin moans and Jean leans down and places small kisses along his jaw. He curls his fingers, straight into the cluster of nerves and Armin's head lolls back and a hitching cry claws its way from his throat. He gasps for air when Jean releases the pressure.

"Shit..." He whispers desperately. "...More..." Jean pulls back and nods before taking a shaky, nervous deep breath. He begins sliding his fingers out of Armin, eliciting helpless whimpers as he suddenly feels empty inside. "Jean... more..." He begs, his voice little more than a husky whisper. His eyes have fallen closed and he doesn't have the control to open them again. He feels hands at the hem of his shirt, now up around his neck, and he does the best he can to cooperate as Jean pulls it off of him. His eyes don't open but he hears the _whump_ as it lands on the floor a way away. He then hears a rustling and then a tearing sound, then the sound of a cap being popped and the sound of liquid being squeezed. He knows what is coming and he tries to control the nervous twist in his stomach.

"A-Armin..." Jean starts shakily. "Remember, If you need me to stop. Tell me." He leans down and presses a chaste kiss onto Armin's lips. Armin hums against his lips in understanding and Jean takes a slow breath and holds it.

"Are you ready?" He whispers and Armin nods, teeth gnawing at his lower lip in anticipation.

"Relax..." Jean says and hesitates for a couple of seconds before he pushes against Armin's entrance, causing the shorter man to gasp. The gasp turning to a series of grunts and cries as Jean slowly pushes up inside him.

"So... Tight..." Jean gasps. Armin groans in response. "Are Yo-ah... You ok-kay?" Jean stutters as he feels his knees tremble weakly. Armin nods again before his mouth falls open in a soundless cry. Jean's hands find his and their fingers lace together, one hand is slicked and slimy but Armin doesn't care. He feels Jean's heat inside of him and it is taking up all of his thoughts. He feels the friction burn him slightly and he feels a twisting sensation when his body squirms involuntarily. His fingers squeeze Jean's to release some of the pent up energy inside him. The pain is there, and it is very prominent... but it isn't a bad kind of pain... And then Jean hits it. That spot. With his pelvis pressed against Armin's ass, buried balls-deep in him. He hits that little cluster of nerves with the tip of his penis.

He writhes around on the sofa and _screams._ Unadulterated pleasure racking his body, surging through his veins and up and down his spine. Jean kisses him quickly and holds him in place with his lips and with their hands clasped until Armin relaxes, gasping for air.

"Hnn... Ahhn... Fuck..." he wheezes as Jean shifts a little inside him, eliciting a further cry. Jean gazes down at Armin. Slack-jawed and drooling, eyes, half lidded and glazed with tears of overwhelming pleasure. He feels his penis surrounded by the hot walls of Armin's hole that pulsate and shift slightly with the blond's every movement.

"K... I'm gonna... I'm gonna move... Is that okay?" He asks. An affirmative noise escapes Armin's parted lips and a half-assed nod accompanies it. He would have done more but the throbbing cock inside him is rendering him completely incoherent. Jean's grip on his hands shifts and Armin feels that burning sensation all over again as Jean starts to drag out of him. He whimpers helplessly as he feels the slow tug in his abdomen and the void like emptiness that follows it. Before he can even begin to think about the feeling, Jean starts pushing back in. Armin thinks he makes an assortment of noises as Jean fills him again. Ending his crescendo of groans with a keening wail as Jean hits that spot again.

"More... Faster.." Armin mumbles through wet lips, feeling a bead of sweat roll down his forehead and into his hair. But that sensation is mere background thought as Jean pulls out and pushes back again. His breath strained and his legs trembling...

"O-oh fuck..." He whispers as Armin shudders under him, his pace gradually quickening, his cock slamming into Armin's prostate over and over, causing him to cry out every time, until the sounds just become a constant blend of husky and desperate noises. He is pressed into the couch by ever single thrust and the air is filled with the sound of broken moans, heavy breathing and slapping skin. His eyes roll back and he allows himself to be rocked violently by Jean, stars exploding in his vision every time Jean plunges forward.

Armin's veins feel like they are on fire and he feels an intense heat and a force curling and building in his crotch. 

"Jea-..." He pants "I'm... _fuck_ Jean I'm gonna come..." His voice little more than a frantic, desperate breath. Jean doesn't slow down, pounding into Armin again and grunting.

"Me... Me too... Go together?" He asks breathlessly, squeezing his eyes shut, sweat rolling down his face. Putting all his concentration into keeping it together for these last few moment. Armin groans and nods. Jean pounds into him again. Once. Twice. A third time and it's all too much. His vision turns white and his back arches. With the feeling of fire and electricity shooting through him, he screams Jean's name as his cock twitches off his stomach and he comes _hard_. He squeezes Jeans fingers with his as he rides out his orgasm and he feels the hot, viscous liquid splash up onto his chest his neck and even his chin. His fingers are squeezed in return as Jean moans thickly, thrusting into him one last time before shuddering and sucking in heaving breaths.

His muscles have turned to jelly, his tongue feels thick and useless in his mouth. All he can hear is his rapid heartbeat and frantic breathing. He feels tears on his cheeks and saliva running from the corners of his lips. He feels Jean's weight collapse down onto his body his and the taller man's hot breath on his neck. Neither of them care that Armin's cum is now squashed between them. They don't have the energy to move, nor the inclination.

He can still feel Jean inside of him but his presence is slowly receding and Jean pulls out lazily, letting go of Armin's hand to pull off the condom and throw it carelessly to the floor to worry about later. They both tremble in unison as the aftershock still courses through them. 

"Jean?" He whispers and Jean moves his head so his forehead is resting on Armin's.

"Yeah?" He replies blearily.

"...I love you." He says, the only words he can come up with leaving his tongue easily. He smiles before tilting his head up a little to kiss Jean gently. It's as much as he can muster in his fucked-out state.

"That was so lame, in the best way possible." Jean chuckles. "I love you too, dork." he finishes and sighs. Kissing Armin back, before they close their eyes and just rest for a moment, their chests, rising and falling together.

"Wow..." Armin says after a while... "Jean that was incredible..." Jean can only nod in response.

They lay there like that for what seems like forever before Jean sits up slowly, grunting with exertion, peeling himself off of Armin's chest. Thick white strings of semen connecting them until gravity takes it's course and they snap, falling onto Armin's body and legs. Causing the blond to shiver.

Jean moves to sit in between Armin's legs before he smiles.

"Oh... Armin... you got a bit of somethin..." He says, pointing to his own chin, then his neck, then his chest... then stomach. 

"Wow. Thanks." Armin says sarcastically, but smiling genuinely. "You have some too." He adds, helpfully and giggles, his mind still not back in focus.

"I feel gross right now... Don't you?" He asks and Jean nods in agreement. 

"I need a shower." He declares and swings his legs around Jean and off the sofa before getting up in one swift movement. He wobbles uncertainly before he puts his hands on the coffee table as his legs almost give out.

"Wooh" He coos dizzily as the light-headed mix of blood rushing from his head, and the total lack of concentration and control he has over his muscles.

"Whoa, steady." Jean warns, reaching out as Armin pushes back off the coffee table and stands slowly, legs trembling a little. He sways a little as he gets used to the ache of the new muscles that were used during their little make-up session. His swaying stops and he sighs before turning to Jean with a look of pride.

"See." He says smugly at his achievement. But Jean misses the smugness as he lets his eyes roam over the pale, slender body of his boyfriend. 

"Um... yeah..." he says vacantly as he seems fixated by the nakedness... and he only really notices Armin's proud expression when it begins to wrinkle into one of sour disgust.

"Ew..." He says and looks down. Jean frowns and his eyes follow and immediately see Armin's trouble. A little rivulet of cum is trickling from Armin's hole, down his leg.

"Okay I really need a shower now." He states, shivering in revulsion at the cold slime inching its way towards his knee.

"You coming?" He asks innocently.

"Yes." Jean answers... just a little too quickly and Armin barks out a laugh before turning to walk towards his bathroom, beckoning to Jean before stumbling over his own feet as his muscles are still yet to return to functionality. Jean is left sat on the sofa to watch the comically unsteady mess walk out the door. He laughs to himself before attempting to stand up and follow... discovering that he himself has trouble, collapsing back onto the sofa. 

" _Well, shit..._ " Jean thinks, in awe of his current overall situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all deserved that. It was my first ever porn fic. So maybe it was a little shit and unpractised but overall... good? Bad? Give me tips... Hehe tips... and advice please... 
> 
> That pun was shit in comparison to the one i made that you can't know about.
> 
> There might be a huge amount of errors in here that i have missed... and i'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry if this was really bad angst, it's my first angst fic and bleeeeehhhhh. Just a fair warning. The next chapters are going to be based loosely around the lyrics of -"Strangers" by Seven Lions, Myon & Shane 54, and Tove Low.  
> Some real emotional shit. But if you have any tips for my angsting, please let me know/


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